It’s Father’s Day today and I am one of the blessed who still have their father in this physical world. There was a time when I wasn’t completely ‘aware’ of that – being blessed. I, like many, spent more time seeing what was wrong or missing, and blaming. Even at this age (63) I don’t feel as close to him as I’d like, find it hard to talk to him and STILL want his approval.
As a young child it was fear. As far back as I can remember I lived in fear of his ‘wrath’. He was from that generation that found it very difficult to express love but very easy to express anger. And it seemed – at least to a child – that he was always angry.
Once I began my own healing journey I began to understand that he was only doing what he knew – what he’d grown up witnessing himself. And the ‘hard’ life he endured. He has told us kids that he didn’t know love until he met our mother. Knowing love and actually expressing love apparently are not the same thing. As babies we arrive needing love to nurture us. Those first few years are crucial to our development and our belief system. A lack of expressive love teaches us just that – it becomes the norm. Until we know better.
Each generation has ‘evolved’ thankfully. When I became a parent, I knew I wanted things to be different with my children. I wanted them to FEEL loved. I wanted them to KNOW they were loved. And it actually was pretty easy when it came to my children. NOT so easy when it came to my parents. However, with practice it became easier and easier and I’m happy to say that we are a very touchy-feely-huggy loving family.
Yes, I’d still like ‘daddy’s’ approval! But as I’ve grown into my SELF, as I’ve discovered my own personal power, as I’ve realized and accepted that I am who I am for a reason (with the help of Meridian Tapping) – I am more comfortable in my own skin. I know daddy has his own regrets. I know he would like to express his loving self more freely. I know he loves us deeply.
I am indeed blessed to be able to have family dinner with daddy at the head of the table still. When I get out of my ego-head and choose to look through my god-eyes and sink into my heart I am able to see and feel blessed. I am able to kiss the top of his head and say “Happy Father’s Day Dad!” with a true and sincere love!