JUNE 2017 – JOURNEY BACK TO LOVE
IS IT ‘COURAGE’? Written by Terrea Lynn Hendrickson
My Personal Growth journey began about 2001 and I had no idea what I was in for. I only knew ‘something’ had to change. By 2013, after many ups and downs, even I was surprised by my decision. It was then that some of my friends were saying how courageous I was.
I had come to the realization that I had to leave my marriage, and I was choosing to move to another Province. Was that being courageous? ME? Courageous? Webster says ‘courage’ is the ability to face danger without fear. Wikipedia says it’s the ability and willingness to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty.
Some friends had recently given me a book titled “The Woman’s Book of Courage”. In the Introduction, the author says “Courage is having the strength and willingness to overcome our resistance and do what we feel is right, even though it is difficult and/or we are afraid. It takes tremendous courage to face our fears, though it is essential that we do. For it is only when we free ourselves from the leg irons of fear, accepting and honoring the wisdom, strength, and beauty we inherently possess, that we can truly find the happiness we seek.” THIS is what resonated with me.
For too long I lived in a place of fear. Most who met/knew me got the impression of a confident, together gal. And perhaps I was in some ways. But like many others, I lacked self-esteem, self-worth and self-love. Is it any wonder I’ve struggled with relationships! I grew up believing that all I would ever do was get married and have children – for some strange reason I also believed I’d be ‘good’ at it! It was about 2 years into my present (and 3rd) marriage that I got the 2 X 4 lesson – IT’S NOT ABOUT MARRIAGE OR THE MEN TERREA – IT’S ABOUT YOU!!!
And it’s been my mission since then to try and get to the bottom of it all. I KNEW the work had to be with SELF. How difficult that was going to be was beyond my comprehension. And facing the ‘fears’ was really hard. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment. Fear of judgement. Fear of criticism. Fear of failure. Fear of being alone. Fear of losing the love/acceptance of family. WOW! That’s a lot of fears!
So perhaps ‘courage’ does fit. It took BIG courage to face some of my family with my decision. It took courage to resign from a job I had only started less than a year ago – a job that paid well and offered a pension. And it took courage to speak my truth to my husband. It was NEVER with the intention of hurting or disappointing anyone. But an awakening to the importance of speaking my truth, listening to my heart and trusting my SELF.
Fear keeps you stuck. Courage leads the way.
JULY 2017 – JOURNEY BACK TO LOVE
DISNEYLAND AND LITTLE T Written by Terrea Lynn Hendrickson
When the idea of joining my family on a Disneyland vacation came up, it was the LAST place I had ever considered to vacation. Big, loud, busy, and lots of concrete rather than a quiet beach and a good book? However, the thought of creating memories with my grandchildren had me both optimistic and excited. But not prepared for the overwhelming emotion and tears!
Barely inside the gates on Day 1, I am choking back tears and not sure why. This place is called the happiest place in the world. So many people – of all ages – from all over the world have come for THEIR piece of happy.
As I watch the faces of my grandchildren I see such joy. REAL joy, and again I am choking on tears. I am overwhelmed as I witness this and realize where it’s coming from – the Little T inside is sad that SHE – for whatever reason – cannot remember ever feeling that much joy. As I watch the smiles on all the faces, I want to FEEL that joy and happiness inside myself and FOR myself.
The thought crosses my mind that maybe I need to see Disneyland through the eyes of Little T. That could be difficult since it’s not often she comes out to play – it’s never been an easy thing to do! But something tells me I must do just that to truly enjoy this holiday. It was time to move beyond any shyness, any fear of looking silly, and just enjoy this opportunity.
I believe my hi-lite was lunch with the Princesses. I was seeing them through Little T eyes and they were so beautiful I could barely sit still in my chair! Little T wanted to scream with excitement! Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be in a room with Belle, Snow White, and Cinderella. Again I was in awe and holding back the tears constantly.
The first day of Disneyland had both Little T and Big T exhausted. What a day! Perhaps this vacation was meant to awaken Little T – to allow the inner child to play. I realized how sad it is that I have little memory of being child-like. No memory of that little girl living freely, with excitement, anticipation and JOY – as ALL children should. What I do remember is always wanting to be older – grown up – mature.
I wasn’t quite as prepared for the grown-up world as I thought I’d be. It was quite a struggle at times to be mature and in control. Having grandchildren has helped me relax more. It began to feel safe and right to loosen up, to be a little sillier, to be on the floor playing. I hope I’m able to teach them as much as they teach me. Disneyland shook Little T awake and helped me to realize how important it is to see life through the eyes of a child. Seriousness has its place but is definitely overrated.
AUGUST 2017 – JOURNEY BACK TO LOVE
I GET TO CHOOSE Written by Terrea Lynn Hendrickson
Once I’d arrived in Alberta, I found myself wondering whether I had really considered how many changes I would encounter when I made the decision to move from Ontario. The milder winters would be an easy adjustment; however there were many other factors facing me.
Work being a priority; I knew it would be easy to go into fear based thoughts like who wants to hire a 59 year old? How outdated are my skills? OR I could ‘choose’ the other route and remind myself of the power of gratitude! I ‘choose’ to believe my skills and personality are acknowledged and appreciated. I ‘choose’ to believe I receive the most amazing opportunity!
A home comes to mind and yes I’d been blessed with a comfy home these past years – with lots of personal space with lovely things. Obviously securing that perfect job opportunity would make all the difference. And again, I ‘choose’ to believe the Universe is lining me up with the perfect living accommodations. And as for all the lovely things – I ‘choose’ to realize it’s just stuff and really – how important is it?
Family was the bigger and more difficult consideration. Both parents were aging. I had 3 great sisters that I had shared so much with. Sunday Family Dinner had been a ritual for as long as I can remember. At this point, I ‘choose’ to know that Family Dinner will simply change. I ‘choose’ to be near my grandchildren who lift me up. I ‘choose’ to have my heart filled with their love and joy as we create new rituals.
Friends can be hard to say goodbye to. I had been blessed to have many great friends in my life. People who had loved and accepted me as I am, who had encouraged and supported me to follow my heart, and who I will be forever grateful for. I ‘choose’ to know that friendships like this will survive time and distance. I ‘choose’ to believe this is a wonderful opportunity I have to share my light with those I’ve yet to meet. I ‘choose’ to know there will be more great friendships created that will add to my life.
As I settled into my Alberta life my heart and soul felt happy, confident and excited. I welcomed and looked forward to my future. Life REALLY is short – it really IS a small world – and I ‘choose’ to know that I am destined for greatness – as is everyone. I know it’s there – my greatness – my authentic self. And I anticipate that living in this greatness is going to be a blessing as well as a challenge. With this gift of ‘choice’ I am comforted knowing I can ‘choose’ to live up where I belong – I like it there! It’s been a long time coming and I finally know that I really do get to ‘choose’ how to live my life. Amazing – this gift of ‘choice’!
SEPTEMBER 2017 – JOURNEY BACK TO LOVE
ON TRACK TO HAPPINESS Written by Terrea Lynn Hendrickson
I suppose we each have our own idea of what ‘happiness’ is – or do we? I’d been seeking my own happiness for as long as I could remember. I believe my Soul knows happy – I believe it’s our natural state. So why was I searching for it! Mahatma Gandi said: “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” Referred to as ‘congruency’, I’d been introduced to this concept through my Meridian Tapping training. No congruency results in no change or growth. I hadn’t connected MY personal happiness with MY congruency and I knew that my thoughts, words and actions had not been in harmony for most of my life.
Not so long ago I`d been told that happiness was illusive. I simply could not accept that! I’m not saying that I’d never felt happy. There had been many events, occasions, people who had brought joy and laughter into my life. MY biggest joys were the birth of my first child and the news that I was expecting my first grandchild. When she arrived, I remember feeling REAL, TRUE JOY deep within. I felt fulfilled!
I’d read Marcie Shimoff’s book ‘Happy For No Reason’. I then attended a workshop in Winnipeg where a mother/daughter team shared the teachings based on the book. I’d also joined a private group to take part in Robert Holden’s ‘Happiness Now’ workshop. There had been numerous other gurus, ALL offering tools or tips on achieving happiness. So why is this something we have to be taught? What is so hard about REMEMBERING this natural state?
LIFE and its examples, lessons, teachings, beliefs, memories – we learn by observing. And we are human – we learn to take things personally and react. As women, many of us learned well how to take care of others. Personally, I hadn’t given my own happiness much thought until later in life. Whether it was a natural process or the Universe nudging me, I began to realize that MY happiness was important. Allowing myself to let go of feeling selfish, I set out on a mission. There was no overnight magic, no instant miracle; just a commitment to myself to discover and honour my truth.
It was research on authenticity that opened my eyes. Being aware that we’re not living authentically is one thing. Discovering and knowing your authentic self creates a desire to live your authentic self. And THAT takes courage. My heart and soul knew it was the right thing to do no matter how much my ego mind wanted to keep me in fear. I knew it was necessary in order to get on track to happiness. I had already been thinking my truth but it took practice to speak my truth, and more practice to BE my truth. I still on occasion slip for one reason or another. Mostly, I take great pride in knowing that only by living my authentic self, I remain on the track to/of happiness!
OCTOBER 2017 – JOURNEY BACK TO LOVE
REAL OR FAKE LAUGHTER? Written by Terrea Lynn Hendrickson
I’d heard of Laughter Yoga. My sisters and I had considered including it in one of our Retreats.
Shortly after moving to Alberta, Laughter Yoga crossed my path. Coincidence? I think not! I wondered if this was A) to learn this and take it back home? B) was this intended for my own personal growth quest? Either way, it FELT like I was to pursue this thing called Laughter Yoga.
I discovered there was going to be a 1-day Workshop the following week and L.Y. was on the schedule. Needing to get myself back into Spiritual/Personal Development, I registered for this day of awesomeness. Later that same day while volunteering at an event, I was drawn to this beautiful face. We began chatting and I was surprised to learn she was the L.Y. Leader!! Another coincidence?
The day of the workshop I was excited to meet new people and experience L.Y. WELL – let me tell you how “out of my comfort zone” I was – as were most of the 25 ladies there. Quietly slipping out the side door was an option I considered; but WHY? I knew there was a reason – I knew there had to be a lesson in having this ‘Laughter For No Reason’ being in my face. I not only convinced myself to stay, I committed to attending a weekly class. WHAT!!?
Come Tuesday, you wanna believe I was feeling resistance – looking for a reason to NOT go – ANY reason would do. I began asking myself “What’s that all about T? What’s the problem with laughing for no reason? Why are you so uncomfortable with that?” Although I continued to be totally uncomfortable, I showed up. After the class I enjoyed chatting with the Leader, listening to her storey of how L.Y. helped her find her way out of a depression. I admired her passion to share it with others.
YES – we all have that ‘comfort zone’ – you know – the one that feels safe. Heaven forbid I should make a fool of myself! Or anyone should look at me – or worse – laugh at me!!! And don’t we actually need SOMETHING to laugh at or about?! Does it make sense to laugh at nothing? For no reason?
YOU BET IT DOES! We’ve all heard it – the brain doesn’t know the difference between ‘REAL’ and ‘IMAGINED’. So laughing for no reason is reason enough to experience the physiological and psychological benefits of laughter: reduced stress, strengthens the immune system, aerobic exercise brings in more oxygen, change in mood in minutes with the release of endorphins and positive energy creating positive mental health. WOW!
Tuesday came around again – and YES – I was still feeling some of that resistance. But I DID step outside my box – out of that comfort zone and I DID go to Laughter Yoga. My stay in Alberta was shorter than planned but I can honestly say that LaughterYoga was a great lesson. Real or fake, my brain will never know!
NOVEMBER 2017 – JOURNEY BACK TO LOVE
NO FOOLING THE UNIVERSE Written by Terrea Lynn Hendrickson
My decision to move to Alberta had been made after much consideration and a peaceful heart. I arrived with a clear conscience, open mind and optimistic about finding work quickly. I had anticipated a couple of weeks – after all I’d always been blessed when it came to job opportunities.
Those couple of weeks passed. Then a month ……. maybe I had more of a challenge than I thought? But it’s all good …. every day there were more job postings …. surely one of them had my name on it!
Two months passed and I question what I was missing. What was I doing wrong? Why wasn’t I – and my many skills – being noticed? The onset of desperation had me visualizing myself serving coffee from a window at 6 a.m. – I don`t like early mornings! Or working retail during Christmas time – OH the chaotic energy! The age-may-be-a-factor comments start to set in.
At about two and a half months I became quite confused. Something that felt so right was not turning out as I had expected. My ego mind wasn’t able to find an answer for that. So time to do some inner work and have a serious talk with my Higher Self! I asked “Please …. help me understand this!” Then got quiet.
My message was … INTENTION – and I knew it meant the lack of intention! Every resume sent and every application completed was missing that one ingredient. THERE IS NO FOOLING THE UNIVERSE T! What was being sent out and received was my LACK of intent. My subconscious inability to offer a long term commitment to any employer because my Higher Self knew I was not there long term. I was not there for that purpose.
Good example of incongruency. Consciously I spoke and even acted in good faith – consciously believed THIS ONE has my name all over it! THIS ONE feels like mine! Subconsciously – different story – my heart and my Spirit knew I could not commit – knew I would be going “home”. So going home it was.
I’d said from the start I may be gone 3 months – maybe 6 – maybe a year. And I trusted that I would KNOW when I was meant to know. Again, it was coming from a peaceful heart. The love, support and encouragement received while in Alberta had been a blessing. New friends and time apparently meant for ME. Had I jumped into working I would have missed this perfect timing and opportunity to read and re-read what inspired me, enjoy training videos, webinars and online courses – ALL nurturing my Spirit.
As I prepared for the drive back to Ontario it was with joy and excitement, peace and (more) understanding. With confidence and my renewed high vibrational energy, that new job opportunity would flow to me with ease. THERE IS NO FOOLING THE UNIVERSE! It always has my back even when I’m not fully aware of it.